My Writing Process
As a very serious writer, I have taken much time wondering why it takes me so long to actually write things down. Sometimes it helps to write down your process so you can figure out where you can improve. I did that, and now I’m sharing it here.
Step one: I turn on my computer and think briefly about opening a new Word document, but instinctively go to Facebook, Twitter, and various other websites that were created for time-wasting.
Hm, no one @ mentioned me yet today. Also my newest follower is a job bot. Not promising. On to writing!
…After this snack. Stand by microwave waiting for the tortilla to heat up, then realize a single tortilla isn’t really an adult snack, while I munch on some almonds. Chop up bell pepper, as well. Realize that if I really want to get cooking on this writing, I should have a hot chocolate. That always relaxes me. I’ll start writing after that.
Start writing. The first sentence is horrible. Check email. Maybe I should rely on a quote to start me off. I’ll just look one up online…
30 minutes later: Good god, Mitch Hedburg was hilarious. I swear I was just looking for quotes for inspiration but now I’m on YouTube looking at old standup. Did you guys know Amy Poehler played And Richter’s little sister Stacey when Conan O’Brien hosted Late Night?
25 minutes later: Now I have seen all of the Andy’s Little Sister Stacey clips. That should come in handy.
Write one paragraph. I’m on a roll! I’m on fire! I’m on top! Somebody bring me some haaaaaaaam! (30 Rock Reference! Which reminds me…)
30 minutes later: I have now seen every Tina Fey interview on YouTube. Again.
I wonder what’s on the lacrosse blogs today? Heh. Heh. Heh. This one’s funny. I really wish I knew where this guy found his photos. Check email again. You never know, that time could have been important.
Wait, brilliant idea for a tweet: “If your twitter pic is you and your cleavage, you also probably have a ‘Live Laugh Love’ sign in your room.” Funny. Laugh to self. Realize that roommate’s mom gave us such a sign that now hangs in our living room. Ratfarts.
Another paragraph. GOD BEING FUNNY IS HARD. THIS IS PROBABLY WHY PEOPLE ARE ACCOUNTANTS. I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP NOW AND BE AN ACCOUNTANT. Check email.
Another paragraph. Meh, to be an accountant I would have to be better at math. And by better I mean “not horrendous”. Maybe listening to music will help.
20 minutes later: It didn’t help. But I do now have three new albums and a new workout mix! Time well spent! (False.)
Done. I AM FINALLY DONE WRITING! SOMEBODY BRING ME SOME HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!