The Boys Night Problem
Recently, a horrifying trend started cropping up everywhere that called for a Saturday Morning Roundtable by the ladies. They all gathered to discuss what is starting to effect all of the males in our given area, and the meeting’s minutes were recorded for prosperity so others might not fall prey to the calamity that is: boys night.
Scarlett: Are we all here?
Reese: We’re missing Kaitlin, but for the most part, yeah.
Scarlett: Great. Let’s get started. Can we get the projector going, Jackie?
Jackie: It’s up and ready.
Scarlett: Excellent. So let’s begin. [Starts powerpoint, starts clicking through slides of various guys] Throughout these last couple of days, we’ve noticed a disturbing trend in the gentlemen that we have been in talks with. Everything seems to be going well, then suddenly, they all decide to casually mention that they can’t hang out because it’s “guys night”.
[collective gasp from the group]
Jackie: And we’ve explored the possibility that this guy may just not be into you?
Scarlett: UH, YEAH, JACKIE. WE’VE EXPLORED THAT POSSIBILITY. If it happens to one of us, then he’s blowing you off. But this happened to three different members of the group in the same weekend. Officially an epidemic.
Elena: What can be causing this?
Scarlett: We’ve narrowed it down to several reasons, the most prevalent being that we’re starting to see an influx of “friends from home” visiting, and creating giant packs of dudes that are more focused on getting drunk together and screaming along to “Wagon Wheel” then passing out than they are on getting with girls.
Reese: This must be stopped. Have we been doing all that we can to thwart these “boys nights”? Are your heels high enough? Is your hair shiny enough? Did someone try to bring back the tube top that we all talked about and decided wasn’t their best look?
Scarlett: Holy shit you guys, enough with the inquisition! THIS IS NOT JUST HAPPENING TO ME! Reese, Elena and I are all victims.We need to stop pointing fingers and start taking action!
Jackie: Well, in my experience, this kind of thing comes and goes. Maybe it’ll be different next weekend.
Scarlett: Oh wow, thanks, Jackie. Such helpful advice from someone who has been in a relationship for a year. Thanks for the topical insight.
Jackie: Well, we could always talk to Eric and see what he thinks! A guy’s perspective?
Elena: No one cares what Eric thinks. He’s your boyfriend and said “I Love You” on your first date. His opinion here is void.
Reese: We need to focus you guys! This is serious! This can lead to a group-wide dry spell and no one wants to see that again…
Scarlett: No. There will be no more “Bridget Jones Diary” and Nutella marathons. No more. That was a dark time.
Jackie: So much Coldplay and Mumford & Sons.
Scarlett: Right, so let’s figure this out.
[30 minutes of vigorous debate that ends in: ]
Elena: WE TOLD YOU NOT TO WEAR THE TUBE TOP. I SAID IT AS NICELY AS I COULD, BUT IT LOOKS TERRIBLE.
Reese: STOP IT! Let’s end this, what did we come up with.
Scarlett: Well, the only thing we concluded is that they just actually want to hang out with their stupid friends. That is seriously the only logical answer.
Reese: That’s it?
Jackie: (smug) I knew it.
Scarlett: …Well if that’s really it, then I guess we’ll just see what happens next weekend. Hopefully we don’t all once again fall prey to this “boy’s night” problem.
[Door opens. Kaitlin enters wearing clothes from last night.]
Kaitlin: Hey guys, why is everyone up so early?
Reese: It’s 3 pm.
Elena: Wait, weren’t you wearing that yesterday?
Scarlett: The drought is over!