Friends Can Be Funny: Texting Torture
Sometimes technology can hurt more than it helps. This is one of those times.
Reese: Scarlett, why are you glaring at your phone like that? Something wrong?
Scarlett: No, it’s nothing. Just a text from Brett.
Jackie: You look mad. Are you mad? What did he text you? Was it bad?
Elena: He’s telling you he already has a girlfriend, doesn’t he?
Kaitlin: Oh my gawd, he already has a girlfriend?! Scarlett, what are you doing?!
Jackie: YOU DON’T NEED THAT KIND OF DRAMA, SCARLETT! SNIP, SNIP! GET OUT OF THERE! You’re too good for him anyway, we never liked him. You could do so much better. He wears cargo shorts.
Scarlett: Can everyone calm down, please?! He doesn’t have a girlfriend, he only wore those shorts once, and I’m just trying to figure out what he said.
Elena: Did he say “k”? That means nothing. It literally means nothing. “K” is the exact point where a conversation dies.
Jackie: Was it “see you around”? That just means that he’s never going to see you again, because he’s going to completely disappear.
Reese: Did he say, “I just really need to focus on work right now?” because if he said that, then he BETTER be about to invent the next Facebook or run for President. Who needs to focus on work that hard, am I right?!
[Awkward silence in the apartment. Everyone lets Reese figure that one out on her own]
Scarlett: …No…he didn’t say any of those things. I’m not even sure what he said.
Scarlett: Here’s what he wrote: “Heyyy gurl wats up sorry i ddnt txt rlier i had werk n stuff this wks bn soooooo busy r u doin nethng 2nite? we shd hang lol”
Jackie: I literally have no idea what you just said.
Kaitlin: Was that English? A number 2? What was he using numbers for?
Reese: Ok, I figured out the “Hey girl”, then I got nothing. I think the word ‘work’ was in there. Did he actually say ‘lol’? What is he, a Belieber?
Jackie: At least he didn’t use a smiley.
Scarlett: …In this one.
Elena: What do you mean ‘in this one’?
Scarlett: Well, he only uses them sometimes, but on occasion…
Reese: Why?! Why do guys do that?
Elena: Do they think that by typing like 13 year old girls, we’re going to be attracted to them? You know what’s attractive: vowels. Full words. Punctuation. Never seeing ‘LOL’ on our phone screens.
Jackie: This is completely indecipherable.
Reese: Snip, snip, Scarlett. Snip. Snip.