Friends Can Be Funny: Sweatpants

In today’s installment, one of the friends has been having a bad week and is taking it out on her wardrobe. Read on!


The girls have once again assembled in the living room. There is an Intervention banner, and they’re clutching handwritten letters. Elena comes in, and sees her friends standing there.

Elena: …What’s going on guys?

Scarlett: You may want to sit down.

[Elena sits]

Reese: Elena, you know we love you and we’re only doing this for that reason.

Elena: Uh-huh…

Kaitlin: It’s just that we can’t ignore this problem anymore. It’s starting to seriously affect you, and we don’t want, as your friends, to be associated with it.

Jackie: We’re just worried that eventually, you’re going to spin out of control and we won’t be able to help you.

Elena: What?

Scarlett: We’re talking about your sweatpants.

Jackie: They’re gross and we hate them and you need to stop wearing them.

Elena: What’s wrong with sweatpants?

Reese: Nothing! If you’re working out or just lounging. But you’re starting to just wear them around…in front of people. Lots of people.

Jackie: It’s one things thing to do it at home, but sweatpants wearing in public? Come on. You’re better than that.

Scarlett: And it’s getting worse. Lily told me she saw you with them tucked into Uggs.

Kaitlin: YOU WENT OUT LIKE THAT?! Oh my god.

Elena: It wasn’t that bad! I don’t have a problem!

Reese: I wish we could agree. But we found these in your room. [Uses salad tongs to hold up sweatpants with ‘Juicy’ across the butt]

Elena: Those aren’t mine! They got mixed up in my laundry! I was just storing them for a friend.

Jackie: We know that isn’t true. Admitting it is the first step.

Elena: [breaks down] I’m sorry! I can’t help it! They’re just so comfortable! The Uggs make it worse! I feel like I’m in my pajamas and I can’t change!

Jackie: You CAN change! That’s the point we’re making! Change into anything else! Jeans! Leggings within reason! Skirts!

Scarlett: Of course they’re comfortable! We can’t just go around being comfortable all the time! There are limits in our society!

Reese: We realize you can’t just go cold turkey. We’re not monsters. Here are yoga pants. They’re a much better alternative to those sweats, we expect you to stay on the straight and narrow now. You’re a good person, but everyone makes mistakes.

Elena takes the  yoga pants and goes to change

Kaitlin: We did a really good thing today.

Jackie: I know right? I feel like we should go do more.

Scarlett: Let’s go find people in cargo shorts. No one needs all of that pocket storage.



Posted on 03/20/2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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