Take At Your Own Risk: A Babe’s Bad Advice

Someone recently said to me, “Can I get your advice on something?” and I thought to myself: What an idiot. My advice would be do not take advice from me. I use my debit card to buy coffee. But then I got to thinking, so ladies and gents, I present to you: advice from someone who is so unqualified to give advice that it’s funny. How unqualified I am, not the advice. Also the advice. Read on!

-This one is serious: Get your damn shoes fixed. I am convinced that wearing heels is why women turn to painkiller addiction. Those birches hurt if you’ve broken the heel and are too cheap to get it fixed. Just. Fix. it.


-Chicks: At some point, date someone who has called himself “The Thrilla From Phila”. Every choice you make from then on will be infinitely better.


-Maybe if we all stop saying ‘swag’ and ‘YOLO’, they’ll die. Let’s all try it together.


Don’t be that guy who can’t find anything on the menu they like then loudly announces they’ll just have water. You couldn’t find ANYTHING? WHO ARE YOU?!


Store brand alcohol: It may be monetarily cheaper, but you will pay for it in other ways. Mark my words. Hashtag supermarket wine hashtag day long headache. I’m not saying don’t buy it, I’m just saying know what’s up.


-I found this one someone’s Twitter bio (creep alert) and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more true. “The more I practice, the luckier I get.” Go. Against. The. Wall. Practice makes perfect! Or close to perfect! Whatever, what I’m saying is you can’t get any worse.


Cheer for people you like. This one is also for real. You have no idea how much they appreciate it, and they’ll do the same for you. Unless they’re Ryan Gosling, then they may or may not try to take out a restraining order on you. Whatever, Gos, you can’t prove anything. That could have been anyone in a cheerleader outfit. Moving on!


-Just because he grew a beard/shaved his beard doesn’t mean you take him back! He’s still the same guy! HE CALLS HIMSELF THE THRILLA FROM PHILA FOR GOD’S SAKE. GIVE IT UP.






Posted on 04/11/2012, in Bad Advice Babe and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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