Thanks a Ton, Boston Globe: Lax Bros Are Among Us

Today’s Boston Globe article on Lax Bros made me have a full-on allergic reaction. There is so much about it that I hate. Proceed:

THANK YOU, BOSTON. Thank you so much for alerting us to this crisis! People are starting to play lacrosse now because THERE ARE SHORTS INVOLVED?

A nine-year-old that they interviewed said that laxers “have to have a lot of the stuff [and] wear it a lot of the time.” I’m so glad that a publication of repute like the Boston Globe decided that a nine-year-old was the expert on lacrosse players. You know what I would have told a reporter at age 9, believing it to be 100% true? Musically, the Backstreet Boys were more talented than the Beatles. Fortunately, I grew up, much like I’m sure this kid will.

It’s awesome that these people are so interested in lacrosse now and the marketing thereof. But it’s ridiculous that this is even a paragraph in a newspaper, not the blog of a spurned laxtitute:

Older lax bros — short for “lacrosse brothers” — tend to offer similarly vague definitions of the phenomenon, but it is easy to spot them. Lax bros display a certain understated confidence that critics call arrogance. They wear their hair long, a look known as “lettuce.” They dress in colorful board shorts, flat-brim hats, and bright half-calf socks. They carry lacrosse sticks, or “spoons,” on and off the field.

Everything good is “chill,” especially chillin’, a favored activity that often includes listening to the music of O.A.R., Dispatch, and Dave Mathews.

Where to start with this? I’ll just gloss over the fact that clearly the writer of this article (who mainly writes about residential real estate, so of course sports retail is a natural segue) believes so little in the intelligence of her readers to guess that “bro” is short for “brother”. I’ll get right down to the crux of it: lacrosse players are goofballs that are arrogant, sock wearing buffoons. Arrogance, just by the by is an offensive (i.e. OVERstated) show of pride, professional writer, so at least decide if they’re over or underwhelmingly prideful of the sport that they play. And GOOD GOD, DON’T LET THEM BE CONFIDENT! DON’T LET THEIR SPORT BE AN AREA OF PRIDE IN THEIR LIFE. WHO KNOWS WHAT THAT WOULD LEAD TO!

Cuz I’m a lax bro

And I’m so glad that musical tastes and our clothes define who we are. Because then I’M A LAX BRO. Oh, feels good to admit it. I like Dave Matthews (so much that I MET him, and it was awesome), O.A.R AND Dispatch. I also have a Flowcabulary tee-shirt, so I’m pretty qualified to suit up now and jump in on face-offs, right?

As for these “extras”: who cares if lacrosse players want the new shorts or the volt socks? Are we going to complain every time a sport sells extraneous “gear”? Really, pink hats?

It’s not hurting anyone to be a little flamboyant once in a while.

And I hate to break it to you, but there are lackadasical, “swaggerific” athletes all over the place. Have you SEEN Tom Brady? He’s in Uggs ads and last year started the season looking like this:

But no one would argue that he isn’t a world-class athlete and superb quarterback. He’s got the rings to prove it, if you don’t believe him.

But some players of lacrosse call each other “bro” and have longer hair, so lacrosse is automatically relegated to the ding-dong category of sports that can’t be taken seriously. It’s frisbee golf.

The “bro” culture (stigma, whatever it means to you) is pretty prevalent and I think it’s here to stay, at least for a while. But I also don’t think there’s necessarily anything so wrong with it. I wear GYM TAN LAX’s “Lax Bro Life” tanks very often and I love them. I think that the phenomenal artwork on team shorts is a testament to the creativity of companies like Zima Gear, ProAthletics and Striker Danger as well as a fun twist on athletic gear. I EVEN WROTE THE FLOW LIST. That stuff is all extra, but creating a culture of the game is actually important! Trying to garner more positive retail attention for your sport doesn’t make you “lackadaisical”, a word defined as “slothful and unambitious”, by the way. Wow. What a choice of words to use. I’ll let Blake from Workaholics voice my opinion on that:

Lacrosse is the oldest team sport in America, but it’s also currently the fastest growing one. People all over America are playing it, and this year’s Tewaaraton winner, Peter Baum, is from Oregon. Wow! And sometimes, you have to dangle the shiny chrome heads and the volt socks in front of players and fans to get their attention. Is there anything wrong with the explosion of new gear that’s out there now and the creativity that goes into it? No. It’s growing the game and it’s making the base of people that care about the sport wider. There’s always going to be the lunatic fringe that just wears the “pinneys” around with their mid-calves and flat-brims and gives everyone a bad name, but let’s remember that that those people aren’t what defines lacrosse as a sport. And if they’re not putting up the stats that reflect that kind of showmanship, then no one will care.

Posted on 06/05/2012, in Stupid Things, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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