Friends Can Be Funny: The Vegan

In which the girls are hanging out with their friend’s new girlfriend, who comes with dietary restrictions.


Scarlett: Does anyone want to order out? I REALLY don’t feel like cooking…or putting on real pants.


[everyone mumbles in agreement]


Scarlett: [pulling out takeout menus] Any preferences? Wings?


Rain: Oh, I can’t eat chicken. I’m a vegan.


Elena: I see where this is going, ok let’s just pick anoth-


Rain: I’m actually really jealous of you guys.


Kaitlin: Why?


Reese: Nope.  Do not ask her that.


Rain: I WISH my conscience could drown out the embittered screams of the cows and chickens that are brutally murdered to make your wings and your steaks. Or the sad death buzzes of the bees that are chemically mass-murdered to create your honey like little honey slaves. I just can’t ignore their plight, so I choose to live a cruelty free lifestyle.



Reese: You know, we’re totally fine with that. Please just stop telling us about it.


Rain: Have you all read Skinny Bitch? It changed my life. Who are we to believe ourselves better than the animals that make our food? I think it’s only fair that all of Earth’s creatures don’t have to be electrocuted and savagely killed just so I can have a meal or a leather jacket.


Scarlett: Seriously! We don’t care! We’ll just order from somewhere else.


Rain: Have you guys tried the new macrobiotic place a couple blocks away? They have the most amazing quinoa loaves. Taste just like the real thing!


Jackie: The real what? What is that supposed to be a substitute for?!


[Enter Matt, friend of girls and boyfriend of Rain]


Matt: Hey guys. Hey, Rain you ready to go?


Rain: Oh I completely forgot we had date night tonight! Let me just freshen up!

[mercifully exits]


Scarlett: Matt, WHAT are you doing with that girl? She’s…


Elena: The worst. The absolute worst.


Matt: She’s hot.


Posted on 06/19/2012, in Friends Can Be Funny and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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