Monday Morning MonBRO: I Hope the Rest of Your Day is Cool Beans

Hi everyone! Great weekends, right? Despite a head cold from hell, it was still homecoming here and everyone was festooned in maroon. Go Rams. ALSO! It’s a Jewish holiday, Rosh Hashanah, so L’shana Tova to my Jewish brethren. AND ON TOP OF THAT, it’s my Dad’s birthday. He is very cool beans, literally the best man I know, so no pressure every other one on the planet.

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Jammy Jam: “She’s So Mean”

Is Matchbox 20 part of your late 90’s nostalgia? Of course it was. And you may not have even been a fan, but you definitely remember all of the lyrics to at least one of their songs, because that’s the kind of band they are (“She says Baby, it’s 3 am I must be lonely..”) Well, Rob Thomas and company are back with a song about a batshit cray girl that they simply can’t resist. Since I am a girl who can lose her mind on occasion and be a “hot hot mess”, this song was extra amusing for me. It’s also super bouncy and danceable with is the usual criteria for a Jammy Jam. Get out your hairbrush mics and your grunge outfits, birches.

“She’s got a wicked sense of humor, can’t believe what she says. She drinks Bacardi in the morning till it goes to her head”

 

 

PS, If anyone knows where that neon bralette situation from the video is from: tell me. Tell me now.

Monday Morning MonBRO: I’m A Monster

This weekend I was turned into an honorary Gator by several UF grads, and indulged in Ferrogosto. I have never been happier in my entire life that I work out. If I didn’t, I would have felt like Jabba the Hut. Forward! Headlines!

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Under Where?

For some reason, this week, we’ve been bombarded with news relating to Down Undah. By that I don’t mean Australians (unfortunately), I mean underwear. Pantaloons, briefs, (my least favorite) panties. There are articles all over the place trying to decode what “your underthings mean about you.” This is a much easier secret to unlock than everyone is making it out to be. So allow me to illuminate the clothing items used to protect your nethers.

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Jammy Jam: “Push It”

 

GET UP ON THIS!

Thursday Throwback with Salt n Pepa is IN EFFECT! Salt n Pepa kiiiiiiiind of killed it back in the day. They’re still fierce and getting it done, but this was the prime of their jammy jam-making period. This song is perfect for dancing around in your skivs with the hairbrush microphone. Am I saying I’ve done that? Well, what I’m saying is…you have no proof.

 

PS: The dance and huge gold Run DMC jewelry they’re wearing are hot fire. Someone bring back door knocker earrings, por favor.

Parent Speakerphone Attack: Who’s That?

If you call your parents frequently, as I do, sometimes, you sometimes get what I like to call Parent Speakerphone Attacked. This is one of the reasons why technology is a double-edged sword. The invention of the Bluetooth in-car speakerphone has been a source of grief for people with parents everywhere. A sample conversation below.

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Jammy Jam: Are You That Somebody That I Used to Know?

 

Long title, actual jam, brought to us by the beautiful birch Caroline! That song that was stuck in your head all spring long and the haunting voice of Aaliyah mashed up in one. Wooo! Jam jam, dance parties, etc.

Monday Morning MonBRO: But First, Coffee.

Moved to a new apartment this weekend and it was too hectic for life. But then again, most people remember things like ‘frying pans’ and ‘sheets’. Which are, it turns out, necessary for living. It also looks like I’ll be at Electric Zoo this coming weekend, so I have to fling together “festival wear”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m SUPER excited to be a dancing fiend all weekend, BUT: I was told under no circumstances to wear heels, even wedges, which is GAHBAGE, I tell you, so I’ll figure something else out. Is fringe a thing? Also what happened this weekend?

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Jammy Jam: Heart Vacancy (DJs from Mars Remix)

This is a remix of a song by The Wanted. They are (yet another) British boy band with, for some reason, impeccable eyebrows. This remix was actually on a mixtape presented by Lacrosse Playground about a year and a half ago, but 2 weeks ago it came up on my iPod and I listened to it maybe 41 times in a row. Super catchy tune about letting a new significant other into your cold stone heart. So, here it is. Boy bands. Transformed by DJs. Again.

(PS: The only song of The Wanted’s that you all may know is posted below and ONLY because it reminds me of someone, so I listened to it yesterday…and now it’s stuck in my head. Don’t you hate that?)

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Diets Be Crazy

As a person who likes fitting into the clothes I’ve bought without the use of pliers/loss of sanity, I watch what I eat. Unfortunately, the zillion dollar diet industry is constantly filling my head with complete and utter nonsense about what exactly it is that I should be eating. One second eggs are amazing for you and then this week some bozo is telling me that they’re as bad as cigarettes (cigarettes, I feel the need to point out, were seen as a diet aid for decades, sooooo….) Here are some of the egregious “truths” about food and dieting that are the reason that I usually just break down and ask for a side of bacon since we’re all just going to die eventually anyway.

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