18 is NOT A “Grown Man”, Taylor Swift

While “We Are Never Getting Back Together” is the catchiest song since “Call Me Maybe”, I take huge exception to this quote in Rolling Stone by Taylor Swift: “You can’t kidnap a grown man!” While this is a true, bordering on obvious cops statement, let me put that in context: She was talking about her 18 year old boyfriend, Conor Kennedy. 18. He’s 18 years old. That is in no way a grown man. Take this journey with me…

 

To start, my brother is currently 18. I love him dearly (because I have to…I kid. Kind of.) but I would never, even under penalty of death, call him a grown man. This is the same BOY who asked our mother before leaving for college if she could buy him a 40 pack of boxers, which he thought would last him until Thanksgiving without having to do laundry. He actually said this. First of all, gross. Second of all, that is why he is not grown man. He also didn’t have his driver’s license until he was 18, and did not find anything weird about that, as my parents drove him to parties. He is many things, a talented athlete, a more than competent bassist, but NOT a grown man.

 

I’ll even put this into my own perspective: 21 is not a “grown man”. Here is behavior of several 21 year old boys that I’ve seen in just the last month:

 

-White sweatsocks with Ugg mocassins WORN OUT OF THEIR HOME. IN PUBLIC. AROUND PEOPLE.

-All day wear that consists of “Spring Weekend!” tee-shirts and sweatpants, jeans if they have to be fancy

-Beer bottle collections that are displayed on bookshelves. Where books should be.

– A “gig”. They have a “gig”. In between term papers.

-THEY HAVE TERM PAPERS.

-Their furniture is partially Ikea, partially street garbage. (Milk crates, sofa they “found on the corner and carried back, it’s totally fine!”)

– Facial hair experiments such as “whatever, this beard makes me look like Jack Sparrow”.

– They say things like “Sick” and “Dank”. You know, like adults do.

– Their parties contain their regional moonshine, which is usually several different “liquers” mixed in a cooler with a paddle.

– Wearing a hoodie on a night out is not a sign that they’ve completely given up, it’s just casual

– There is a stolen street sign at their place that they’re convinced they’ll have forever

– They’re blissfully unaware what happens to a body on the “pizza and beer” diet once athletic eligibility runs out

 

That was a list of things that boys who are legally able to drink do on a consistent basis. C Kennedy may be legal (to date) and foooine, but he’d have to have his older girlfriend buy the beer. He may have the weird semi-freedom of a boarding school kid, but he is far from adult. Boys at this age are funny and laid back. Grown men, they are not. Take us out, The Limousines!